What Can I Do On My Own to Improve My Relationship?
Love
- Verbally narrate your emotions, not just irritation, so your partner has insight into your feelings.
- Eye contact is love. Curiosity without judgement is love.
- Remind each other of past happy memories and adventures. Take a break from the daily grind.
- Try to see yourself positively through your partner’s eyes. Avoid projecting on them if you are feeling bad about yourself.
- Be generous with loving. If you feel stingy, investigate why, don’t just dismiss or put yourself down.
Conflict
- Banish sarcastic, passive aggressive comments. Say what you mean.(If you can’t imagine this being feasible, a thorough relationship evaluation is in order).
- Use direct “I statements” with a generous interpretation: “I am sure you didn’t mean anything, but I got my feelings hurt about xyz. I just wanted you to know so it’s not swept under the rug. I don’t want to be passive aggressive.”
- Wrap it up with love and affection: “Thank you for listening. I really appreciate your time and respect.”
- Memorize Steps:
- Identify feelings directly.
- Interpret and discuss feelings with partner with generosity + respect.
- Make up and move forward. Seal the deal.
- Evaluate if either person still feels resentment, restart steps.
- Resolving conflict well increases sex-love-trust, so embrace the opportunity when confusions arise!
You May Also Like
Reflections on Being a Therapist, 18 Years and What’s Next?
It’s funny when you start to hear yourself talk about your career and it adds up in decades. When you kind of can’t remember when you lived in a particular state or when you graduated.
Considering Couples Therapy? Why Not Travel Instead?
It’s an overcast January afternoon in New Orleans and I’m not particularly thrilled. As I sit across from my sweetheart in a facsimile Cafe Du Monde, housed in a suburban New Orleans shopping mall, I’m feeling free floating anxiety, courtesy of the prior night’s alcohol and too little sleep.
Is Psychotherapy Worth the Money?: Therapy Investment, Insurance and Cost-Benefit Analysis
If taken seriously, therapy is a real investment in life transformation. It’s not just about feeling better. It’s about removing burdens that have been holding you back perhaps your whole life. This translates to improved relationships, being more attractive, and often raising your income earning potential.