Focus Areas
Infidelity
(Affairs)
Dealing with an affair?
Whether you are the one doing it or you are the partner who’s been lied to, infidelity is one behavior that can bring the toughest person to their knees. For the partner who it was “done to,” the painful combination of rejection, betrayal, confusion, guilt, a desire for vengeance and a desire to know details, can at times become unbearable or obsessively distracting.
For the partner who did the cheating, there are also competing and complex feelings. Guilt, shame, remorse, as well as continued desire for the “other” person, desire to leave the primary relationship or a feeling of love for both partners, can all be present at once.
When a couple experience an affair, either individually or together, via telehealth or a private retreat, we work systematically to:
Figure out how their relationship got to this point.
- Explore unresolved, underlying childhood issues that need to be addressed.
- Engage in discernment counseling.
- Conduct an emotional cost-benefit analysis regarding the decision to stay or go.
- Visualize idealized outcomes for staying or going.
- Build a menu of activities making the ideal version of staying or going a reality.
- Rebuild trust.
- Grieve losses and resentments.
- Establish boundaries.
If couples decide they want to stay together, in a retreat format or tele-health couples counseling, we focus on the mechanics to:
- Re-build a healthy sexual bond.
- Re-start a new relationship that’s rock solid with Love Sex Trust.
Affairs, Infidelity, Betrayal: Decode the complexities of infidelity.
Confront and decide.
There are lots of theories on why infidelity happens, such as, it is a manifestation of something that’s been wrong in the primary relationship, an acting out of anger by someone who can’t verbalize it in the primary relationship, an acting out of family of origin issues, an indicator that the primary relationship was weak foundationally, a communication that sexual desire isn’t being fulfilled in the primary relationship or simply, that there was an exciting opportunity and it was taken.
Whatever the reason, the person to whom it was “done to,” typically craves to know why. The “why” helps a chaotic situation make sense and gives some feeling of control, and helps them decide what’s next.
In my experience, the partner that was “doing it” is often less interested in the “why,” at least at the moment of impact. They are often reeling from a different set of emotions. They are often confused by the intent of their actions and feel shame, embarrassment and remorse at that moment, concentrating on their guilt and feeling bad that they hurt their partner so deeply. Sometimes this focus on guilt and desire for forgiveness actually can block the necessary exploration of the root problems.
Sound good?
Contact me for an initial consultation. I’m happy to speak with you.
When taken seriously, therapy is a real investment in life transformation.
It’s not just about feeling better. It’s about removing burdens that have been holding you back perhaps your whole life. This translates to improved relationships, being more attractive, and often raising your income earning potential.
I take your investment of money, time and trust very seriously. I started my career with the intention of providing excellent service and have never wavered. My rates, non-insurance affiliation, intensive services and continued commitment to my own life’s joy reflect these fundamental values.
