Sexuality is a rich, interesting area to work with because it is a verb, something we “do,” and a part of our identity, “who we are,” “what we have gone through” and a source of information about “how we feel.” Taking a curious, non-pathological exploration into these three areas of sexuality can be very empowering. It’s fascinating how sometimes we can be so unfamiliar with these fundamental areas of our own selves simply because we never thought to look deeper.
Often, performance issues, the behavioral aspects of sexuality is what commands attention. People are freaked out (or not) by changes in their desire for sex, or not being able to perform or have an orgasm. For some, a desire for a simple fix for this “malfunctioning” part is what drives people to therapy. Sometimes, there is just a medical or physiological tweaking that can change a person’s settings and happy sexuality resumes. If you’d like that direction, I often refer clients to more behavioral based medical and sex therapists.
I work with the framework that the performance/behavior is an indicator and our job is to become curious, informed and find out the whole story. I encourage clients to frame sexuality from this vantage point. I believe the more powerful and sustainable solution is to more deeply understand one’s sexual self: the history of your sexuality, the nuances of your sexual power and identity and your vision of a future happy love/sex life.