The idea of sharing a long amount of time– or the rest of your life– with someone you love can evoke an interesting double bind. A sigh of relief, and feelings of safety and assurance, and a feeling of trepidation. Will I be able to do that? What will it be like? Ultimately, the decision to commit long term takes a leap of faith, love and oxytocin (the bonding hormone, not oxycodone the opiate).
Doing a bit of front loading before the actual commitment can be of tremendous benefit before you take the leap. However, most people don’t do this. Why?
However, the opposite is true. When couples firmly secure details upfront, and don’t sweep it under the rug, although it might take a bit of money, time and stress, it makes their long term sustainability much more likely.
Ironically, the sexual and romantic aspect can also be made stronger, not diluted, by details. When the foundation is in place, we have more energy for spontaneity and creativity, which is ultimately how couples sustain robust energetic sexuality, a core (and fun) ingredient for happy long term relationships.